I too have had to deal with a similar situation. I was raised that there was no bond stronger than family and so of course I was crushed and totally devistated to find out that they gave him the money to take the house I paid for and the business that I had started and worked my butt off to build for 7 years. I went along with it because the day was about my daughter but inside the whole time I was like dude STFU. Abuse is not love. I explained to her thati need a safe support space separate from him. That is HER family. They too are manipulating and judging. He didnt afford me the same thing. He was sensitive enough to my sisters childishness that he would not come over when she was around. Tom talks to Nina when he sees her and they get along very well, but I cant help feel jealous. The safety and comfort of your family might be the catalyst for this new and evolved relationship you can have with your ex, for your childrens sake. When a person is called brother-in-law, (sister in law, mother-in-law,) what that means is, he is a brother BY law. A good counselor can help you see things more clearly too. I was closer to his mother than I was ever to my own, but his family has cut me out completely. They blame my son for the relationship with his father. check out, "13 Ways You Know He's Loyal and Loving You" His own family was highly supportive of him. Now another 6 years has gone by. Youre not alone! It sounds like your ex has intentionally embedded himself into your family. Your wounds are new. And is she bothering his family or overstepping? What a niave view of a relationship. Remember its not the childrens fault and if that could make it together for whatever reasons you should still be friends to a certain extent. You have a very different relationship to religion than i do and i think you should re read your comments and see just how unchristian they really are. I live with hes mom and I dont know what to do, So the guy Ive been with weve been together on and off for about seven years and it didnt start so well I was separated from my husband and he was separated from his wife and well we moved a little bit too quickly and things got complicated and we had a kid and I was still going through a divorce he was already divorced at that moment but the drugs got in the way and I couldnt do it anymore when I found out I was pregnant I love them I moved to a different state with my family he wanted me to come back and did I mention he tried to go back to his ex-wife who he was with for 26 years and she didnt want them she was moving to be with somebody else shes now married and weve tried to make it work but their relationship their friendship has always been in the way of us progressing for my insecurities and him going back-and-forth with her in the past so Ive lost a little bit of trust and Ive tried its hard for me to be a woman of understanding when he talks to her likeA friend and weve had is just so many problems that weve lost that because of all the trust issues and betrayal in the past and I for gave him but its just been really hard to forget and its really affected our family with my daughter and now he says he cant do it anymore and while we were hardly talk I dont know how to fix it and I dont know where to begin because weve been through this so many times I think its time to go our separate ways but I really want to try for my daughter and I just dont know how to let go Yes I forgot to mention that they have kids together no younger than 13 and 24 and our daughter is 3. There is a reason the family is/was comfortable with him. What does it mean when your ex boyfriend is seeing someone but tells you not too? It is the worse feeling. He remarried, I did not and I pretty much got left out in the cold. I did that, too. My parents remained very close to my brother n law and he was pallbearer at my fathers funeral. As painful as that is, and believe me in some ways I understand (Im divorced), you dont want your children growing up believing Grandma and Grandpa (aunts and uncles) hate their dad. We had no children and its not normal or natural for a family to take sides, especially with someone not a blood relative. Id be a liar to say it doesnt get under my skin. My mother in law was going to move her back here and into her home we had heard through the grapevine. The person we thought we knew as our son-in-law changed into an alcoholic, lying, manipulative, and narcissistic creep. You need to have the support from your family that you made the right decision to be divorced. Mary asks me to communicate with the Dr. IYAYA. Be the bigger person and when you need to have conflict in the family, with a family member, make sure it is over something way more serious and worth the fight.. Whats up with that? They spend more time with him than with me as well. This is weird. like a narcissist . Every awful thing he did behind their back to me he always avoided responsibility for and used my natural upset as further evidence that i was the unreasonable one! He needs to take a hike. My mom confessed a week ago that her and my sister lied to me about why there were no get togethers for the holidays like we usually do. They didnt like seeing their daughter/sister treated that way. Of course his new wife joined in with my family as well. My boyfriend's ex is still close with his mother. From everything Ive read of your account, it feels to me as if you are slowly being erased. Family is about having each others back and no betrayal. Even after marriage he refused to have a joint account and denied me access to money. My family. A break-up is very similar to the mourning process: someone loses a loved one or a lover. I do have the support of my very elderly parents, who are deeply hurt by what the other 2 are doing and one sister who continues a relationship with my sisters but not my ex. Is it possible youve made veiled ultimatums that they resent and are subconsciously preferring your ex as a form of protest? Its as simple as one plus one equals two. Maybe you have to hear their side of the story, and accept it. You are a strong women. Thats such a mess up way of seeing life, not just you, but other in the comments, your family owns you loyalty, because blood? But if youre a year down the line and he still hasnt introduced you to his friends and family? Thank you Vikki. She even arranged a carpool with him and my sister to go to work everyday. Her family should be emotionally supporting her, having parties and family events with her and her kids. I lost my best friend, who cheated with my ex. I like the comment that crappy people find crappy people. I have a bit of the opposite situation. I am going through the same thing with my family & soon to be ex-husband and its just so painful because your family doesnt see or refuse to understand that its an actual disorder. She should not be demanding that her family cut him off. They let you down again even though you were the one to try and repair the situation. But guess who my family chooses? This is all for the benefit of the kids. But the rest Im done with. She tells me she doesnt want to put the kids in the middle but I have 3 daughters and I can tell you that if anyone tried to ruin my daughters life like he did to me, I would not be speaking with him. I split with my abusive ex and my Dad, stepmum and siblings sided with my ex and wouldnt uninvite him to a family wedding even though I had just fled my home! Going luck. "The breakup has to be civilized," Relationship and etiquette expert April Masini tells Elite Daily. It aint easy, and likely complex, but if you let your family know how things are affecting you, I feel like they would want to help you, and thats where I see the selfishness from them. When it comes down to it, it doesn't take a genius to see where her. These are six ways to stay in touch with your ex's family, respectfully: Talk To Your Ex First If your desire to stay close with your ex's family is strong enough to fight for, be an adult. I always just wanted peace but they all want to control me . What I cant understand is how they dont understand they were played. Your family is being absolutely ridiculous. Ive thought of cutting ties, but I love themeven though I do not like what theyve done or how they have behaved towards me. After the separation and divorce My Ex pretty much had cut all ties with her family. I know this is an old blog post but this is exactly how Im feeling and exactly what I am going through. I have since realised that they are all enablers cowardly, passive aggressive people with no conscience or sense of what true family is. During my divorce, we attended a seminar coping with divorce that explained from the point of view from the children. Just saying. After fighting a serious life threatening medical condition. How can anyone give you an honest response without knowing why you divorced? Now he is all wealthy and still lives in his bubble. My advice to you, is that if it gets BROUGHT UP during conversation, do not be afraid to state your real feelings. I was confused. That she didnt get mad when I would hang out with my dad. Nope, so he asked her. Good luck i hope it helps, keep us posted:D. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. You should feel happy that his family are the type to grow bonds with the familial partners. IDK what the deal is but its absurd. I divorced my ex and he went to my family and told them all kinds of lies and strories about how he was so hard done by . I want to say this. So Im right there with the OP and all of you who have similar stories. I feel for you. My family has seen my tears, saw me raise my girls alone, and saw and heard the heart break Ive been through. She still claims innocence. I am recently reunited with my high school sweetheart from 30 years ago and he says that things are headed toward marriage for us. I feel sorry for your unfortunate children and any other unfortunate soul that gets close enough to have their positive emotional vibrational frequencies out of people. You have been super women for your kids. There is no reason to have the EX around. My ex was very controlling and mentally abusive and more personal reasons I dont care to share. I know hes doing it because he knows thats the one thing i asked him not to. It drives me crazy. He spoke to his mother, and shebecause he can't force her to do anythingtold him she'll invite who she wants. Ive had discussions with my brother about how uncomfortable it makes both myself and my 2nd wife of 18yrs, but his response is always the same, I wasnt in charge of the invites. Worst part is, my anniversary with my 2nd wife is on the same day they celebrate my twin nieces birthday. You need to put her in her place and tell your mom and everyone else to respect you because once they an EX its an EX! You have the best case senario and perhaps you are still to hurt to see it. I figured they felt hurt for me. In retrospect I think it caused huge problems. Exactly. I also got remarried over a year ago and wouldnt want to put my husband through that or expect him to want to hang with the ex either. Im flexible with my Exs needs and take good care of my daughter, who I have 50/50 time and custody decisions. Im healing and in total rehabilitation of a very narcissist family . Two baseball teams do not share the same coach. Its incredibly painful. (Which doesnt change the fact thatits super uncomfortable for you.). I invite him to birthdays along with his new wife and her 3 kids shes pregnant with a 4th that is his. Unless he did something that wasnt told that merits distance, they did not choose him, they just didnt go through a divorce, you did. And two years later he is still doing his evil from keeping my sister and her family away from me . "If you are using your exs family to try and get back with your ex, or if your using your exs family so that you dont have to face the fact that youre not with your ex anymore, and youre actually single, thats not healthy for you," Masini says. How does this happen? I think your family is supposed to be there for you. After we broke up he kept going over to my families house and visiting them a lot. I wanted to keep everything private, and instead he told all of my friends and family what a horrible person I was. Right now I am the happiest woman in the world for what this great spell caster and a great doctor has done for me and my husband. I agree 100%. We must not enable manipulation. Actually their evil behavior is so predictable, that I anticipated they would invite him. After running to save my life and my children, losing a teenager to parental alienation because I didnt allow under age drinking, drugs, and joy riding. I was close to my exes family but as soon as we split I naturally and respectfully kept my distance. I not only lost her, but I loved her kids as if they were mine. To take it one step further, my ex-wife was included in my fathers will as a beneficiary in equal part as my brother and me. "acceptedAnswer": { What hes doing is disrespectful. They agree and do it behind my back, and ignore me. They can do that without dragging my brothers peace of mind through the sewer. I completely understand how you feel. Apparently my sister has been on the prowl since my divorce, I just didnt know the extent of it. Its become a politically correct or Internet based personal diagnosis way to say someone is an ass. Also, Im bothered that they rather build a relationship with him instead of my husband. Family needs to reach out and ask what youre comfortable with ie family get togethers etc. The ex probably enjoys sticking it to her more. I get that he is her husbands brother but she embraces his girlfriends when they come to her house. You cant dictate who his family invite to the house, but you can make sure youre not there when his ex is. I guess I maybe miss interpreted the post or my post was misguiding . On this week's advice column, experts advise someone who is jealous that their boyfriend is still living with his ex. Have you told your family that even though you get along with your ex he is no longer a part of your family. Don't have an account? 100% it is not ok for you to be treated this poorly by your family. Thanks. I chose my health more quickly this time and have gone no contact. It makes it harder for me to bond with my new family if the ex is constantly a presence. Divorce doesnt mean contact ends. His ex told me that is my family. If you don't, and you see his or her ex enjoying it with him or her, beware.". I feel for you because my ex tried to destroy me in every way possible when we split 7 years ago. I have cut ties with my family in my heart because they are disloyal. Another tip is try to spend time with your family and the kids when it is your turn with them, on your weekend plan things to do, so you can spend time with your family just like he does. If thats a bad thing? Crazy to read thisIts quite refreshing though to see I am not the only one because its so toxic and we shouldnt have to feel this way. He told my dad to tell me to go to hell (which of course he didnt) he tried to turn my kids against me(which are not his kids, theyre mine from another marriage) he also turned my sister against me, which her and I use to be close. At the end of the day the ex has their own family to cosy up to but they take yours as well. My family knew how bad my ex treated me and yet still praise him, making me feel betrayed. If you have any concerns, bring them up with your partner! "text": "I feel like an emotional mess and cry any time I think about how my family keeps meeting my ex. Im with you and think your family needs to rethink their loyalty. Very similar. Its very tough to pretend. This is so sad to read. I try to get over it because its past. And family is so important, too important to toss away lightly. Is there some kind of clinical when we first broke up, after a 10 year relationship my sister was there for him, I didnt mind as he does not speak to his family (they are all horrible people). You could draw the line and tell your boyfriend that you're not going to events as long as his ex is there. We broke up because he was emotionally unavailable and now hes never been more available for them. But being married or having children. I have been going through the same thing for the past 11 years. Since my uncles death the family have been peaceful and loving , i now find happiness in everything i do. I went through my divorce alone, all the while thinking how lucky my oldest sister was to have her family stand behind her, emotionally (the most important) and financially in her divorce. He used to get up really early and leave the house without telling me where he was going visit my family and tell them i wouldnt get out of bed etc. It must be very frustrating and painful for this lady . Yes, my ex and my mom still talk and text all the time still go out go lunch things like that.. I do believe your family should be putting you first and it just sounds like a bit much with the time they are spending with him. Their actions seem strangeas if they are attempting to spite you. I completely understand this as well. After my sisters divorce, her X kept calling my on/off longtime boyfriend to hangout. I try to focus on all the good things in my life and the friends that have stood by my side and whom I call my unbiological family., Something similar has happened to me. Also, start dr eloping other friendships do you are not so dependent on your family. Its caused us not to have as close of a relationship with my nieces as we could have. What if that friendly Ex, having been accused of this type of abuse starts showing interests in the familys children? My ex is still around, and is getting remarried soon, so his fianc is also around, its so bizarre and ridiculous and I can only feel sorry for his new wife to be..who in their right mind wants to be hanging out with your husbands exs family? We were good friends, he backed off from my sister because he seen me alot, he still had feelings for me I did not. She will be left out over the years by her own choice with her family and even her kids and their families as they grow up, get married etc., if she cant figure out how to be civil, or even friends, with her ex. NOPE!! Get to know his girlfriend, she may even like her. But I was good. She of course will never speak up. My in-laws also continue to have a relationship with the ex. She has admitted that she feels grumpy etc when around him which proves its a her problem. Since 2019 he has started writing in English on this website. Does he not have his own family? Im going through the exact same situation. completely stopped talking to my family, it is definitely a distanced relationship. Those kids are little people who have a right to choose for themselves. I have accepted that MY family do not value me as a sister and daughter and place a higher value on the ex husband. He invited her to his birthday party and we got into an argument. Since they chose him, I am no longer part of the family. Sorry by siblings I meant sisters. I wish my family knew how much hes hurt me and my kids over the years being absent my daughters entire life (until she turned 23!) Many people hide their true identity and only Husband and Wives know what that truth is. You should sit them down as a group, with a mediator so they cant just start making excuses as to how alienating you from your own family could ever be okay. There is no loyalty in my family. 21 Sure-Fire Signs He Still Loves His Ex 1. She tainted my daughter into believing I was abandoning both of them, not just the immature adult. When your kids get older, they will see it all. You deserve a supportive family and are not alone in this. Yes, depending on the depth and length of his previous relationship. If your boyfriend isn't very close to his family, he may not think a proper introduction is truly necessary. So the fact that hes depressed that his ex is dating someone else, doesnt really mean that much yet. If you didn't know about the manipulative mom and the messy ex going in, when you saw what was up, why did you keep signing up for it? Shes done that several times she never wanted to talk to them when they were married, but all of a sudden wants to forge relationships with them now. But because hes the type of man to avoid the problem rather than deal with it, he hasnt actually done anything about the way its making us feel. The best way I can describe it is that shes like a 3rd wheel in our new married life. He said, everyone said you were going to take money, I said, funny, you were the one that did, I was trying to be fair. And perhaps he doesnt carry bitterness because he never truly loved your daughter. The whole thing just felt so imbalanced because I gave him the space he needed and I needed and cut ties with his family. This sounds like the ex has gone out of his way to include himself in the family. I hope I can see him soon. My daughter did everything in her power to save their marriage, but he would not go to marriage counseling and continued to drink and be verbally and emotionally abusive to her and the children. My ex left me and kidnapped my kids while I was deployed. Itd be different if he was abusive or an antagonist, but from what you said he sounds like he is a likable and decent human. When you're in a relationship with someone, it's rarely just with them. I guess since she out of curiosity did sexual favors for my ex after we separated, she thinks she is entitled to interfere. So sorry to hear I am not alone. But why would he have her alone with him and hide it? Hes not one hundred percent committed to the relationship. The lightbulb finally came on that my husband was emotionally abusive, financially abusive and beginning to get physically abusive. Her family only sees his Im a great guy side. Yet she has my Ex over to fix her house and he has playdates with my nephews. they did not marry him or have children with youre ex so they have no real reason to feel indifferent towards him. Remind them that even though he is the childrens dad, that is all he is. And you can see that people who lose a loved one, usually leave their belongings in the house, so it feels like that person is still there. But the family members that go along with this maybe unconsciously participating and then you just need to let go. My marriage ended after 43years of marriage. The husband comes too, but it really hurts to see her there. I am so glad you are intelligent enough to know these things and caring enough to point the fact out to others. Even though I was physically scared of him and he had attacked an ex before my brother basically said we had to leave our problems at the door and did I really think my ex was going to do anything to me?! The final straw was when he destroyed the entire house one Christmas Eve while I had been with family. I met someone who wanted to marry me, my family rejected him. You can have a totally healthy and normal friendship with members of an ex's family, as long as you're considerate of your ex's feelings. From what I had found out later on.. You did. Food arrived and he came and got me. relationships have to end because you changed your mind about being married? I remember my x perents really liked the old x. He didnt even see or contact our girls for am entire year. I dont have family, finance left because my family didnt want him, still single and believing that someday, I will belong to a family too. if you dont state your case now it will only get worse. But seriously, the only thing I can do for her at this point, is, like the lady above : pray, pray, pray. The best revenge is a life well lived, so show your ex that you are whole and happy even around him by getting the support you need. He might love her forever as a person, because he thinks that she is an outstanding and amazing person. I know its really hard. When I made the decision to divorce, I was prepared to give up a lot of things. I have No family loyalty to me, even worse my daughter. Thank you, everyone, for sharing your experiences! I would be open to express your feelings to your family in a kind way, so it can help them to understand you being less involved. Your comments are toxic. He says that she is a "very, very close friend and he loves her like a sister." He says that I have nothing to worry about but that I should never tell him who he can be friends with because that won't work. Hopefully, by finally putting your foot down, you'll get his attention. "If your ex doesnt want you to be friends with his or her family, you should respect that and back off," Masini says. I got a divorce. No respect for her feelings . We could not stand to look at the man that caused her pain. Where is the family loyalty? Its the strangest thing a once close family is now a battle ground. But it seems a bit selfish or otherwise.. thats gonna need some evaluation from therapy/phycoatrics. The more you keep them away from your family, the more you are actually hurting the children. It has taken 13 years, and I still have moments. I was one of the few that had that regard. Her mother helped her along in her disowning me of course. I did make up with them and tried to put it aside, in the hope they would start putting my feelings first and be loyal to me. Maybe they have other reasons as well. weddings, parties, family functions. Now we have a newborn that we just wanna enjoy and my family is now harassing my wife to the point she is in post pardon depression. A good man, a good father. If you make the friendship work, you have even more people to go bowling with! We have a large family. They form bonds. I set boundaries and have a solid relatonship. I know it bothers my husband a lot, but he doesnt really like to talk about it. I have nieces and nephews I love dearly but dont get to see and their babys dont know me at all because I Never get to be a part of their lives because hes always there.We have no kids together so i dont feel that i should have to be around him or be expected to be around him. He fails to pay his alimony Love him, enjoy him and let the rest of this go. I have never interfered with their marriage and have no intention to get involved now. They were extremely close and in each other's lives for a long time. This was despite the fact that I had no access to money, my home, possessions, car and mental/physical health problems. Its disrespectful and callous particularly At Thanksgiving. My ex claims he still loves me, Im the love of his life, blah blah blah yet he wont cut my sister off. That was my other issue about it.is that the whole thing kind of prevents the new partner from being incorporated in a way that feels like theres enough space for them. I lost my child, family and home. Id been with this man since the 9th grade! Healing relationships takes emotional growth on both sides. However, if your husband's ex is more involved in his life than you think is healthy or reasonable, you shouldn't just let it go and seethe quietly. On the contrary to what most are replying that the family feelings end when the marriage ends is ridiculously sad. Awww. Be overly friendly, in fact. My daughter needs me more than I need my mom. And why is he accepting the relationships to continue like this? He says all the nice things that you want to hear, Hes fully focused on you when youre intimate, He probably takes you to the same restaurants, Takes you on the same walks or venues for dates. Undoubtedly, every girl likes to view their boyfriend's family as their future-in-law, or even better, an extra family. Her family should support her. The last 4-5 years together we BOTH knew our marriage was over we didnt sleep in the same room, we barely spoke, we didnt go out together, etc. Nowadays, I dont even give it one thought. You just started dating. I cant begin to tell you the painful stories. My siblings insist on maintaining friends on face book with my ex family. On the other hand, each situation is different. I think you are confusing what the issue is. Im focusing on my own life and will soon be transferring to a four-year university to obtain my baccalaureate in journalism. This has to be extremely confusing and painful for your children as well. I dont visit them when he is around. There is the emotional kind and logical mind and either of them separate does NOT equal wisdom ashes in this case especially advice with wisdom taking both emotions and logic into count is paramount. I see their texts to each other and she really feels sorry for him. 4 He Isn't Close to His Family. Your post struck a chord with me because I too grew up thinking family was everything only to then be turned on by my own. This could well be me, exactly what happened to me. As your bf if there is any particular reason theyre so close to Nina. However when I come home for holidays no exs are allowed because my family respects my wishes and I bring my husband and dog with me. I know the feeling, but if he is a good person, and your family cared about him, unless he did something crazy, there is nothing wrong with them being cordial with him. I wonder how he would feel if the the tables were turned. Sounds like it to me. Im so sorry you are experiencing this. Im beyond heartbroken. name for it? Setting healthy limits is critical and you can teach this lesson to ur kids. I am glad I found this web site and found I am not the only one with a very unusual family( blood is NOT thicker than water) I am now working on my NEW NORMAL. My family all exchanged xmas gifts with him last year, but not 1 gift for my boyfriend who was actually at the party. Oh, but (name of his ex) did it like this.. Im sure they would not like it if the shoe was on the other foot. Im now terminally ill and my ex is still trashing me to one of my kids. His children dont know this person anymore. Since 1996 Divorce Magazine has been the Internet's leading website on divorce and separation. So, dont burn bridges.!!! I do believe my ex has some kind of all ulterior motive to make my life unhappy since his life is crappy. The bottom line is, youre with their son now and therefore part of their lives too, so they should take on board what you have to say. Make sure you get along enough to try to do whats best for your kids" hes still family . My husband is divorced, and his family is very close to his ex. I would be careful, people like this are often working long term on things they may or may not chokse to bring to the surface. And honestly I believe she is trying to make his family choose her over him, and to make me as uncomfortable as possible. This can be difficult for Everyone. If I had have been there at least I could have provided concrete proof for at least some of his lies that they chose to believe over their own daughter/sister. Highly racist and believe Ive sinned against God because my son is part Spanish . When she hangs out with his family still, that means that she still hopes that she can get . He asked me to leave the house immediately after he asked for. And my financial security But your family should ask youbefore inviting him. Most likely not he hardly sees his children basically he a babysitter to you!!! He is no longer his uncle .I am and will always be his aunt. I am a very vocal person but in this situation I havent commented much on the topic to my family because I dont want the drama. Her family should be spending time with her not with her ex. Exact same scenario but took 7 years of him at every family function for me to finally realize that his car wasnt just parked in my sisters driveway during the day, it was also there overnight! Whats not normal is not inviting you to family occasions. (read about it) I went to her house a few years ago to find my grandson wearing a dress. My soon to be ex is a narcissist! I have long ago accepted their hate and moved on. I know this article is old, but just wanted to stop in and say Im sorry they put you through this. "Both parties have to have some understanding and empathy for what the other has been going through and why things didnt work out. Of course it hurts and you should talk to yout ex aline and tell him amd your family alone and at least tell them how hou feel I mean theyre your family and they should be there for you. They have worked everything out: who's having the kids when and she is waiting for her house sale to go through before she moves out. Thats disrespectful to you and makes it seem as though they are still a couple. This is my take, and perhaps you are not going to appreciate it but, here it is. At the end of the day her family is her family and for whatever reason you broke up they are doing the right thing by supporting their daughter. I feel for you. Her response was that she wouldnt because he would see us hanging out together and we would get back at him that way. That also means your family has to go through this process as well unfortunately. I think you are creating unnecessary emotions for yourself. As well as one sister who understands but continues a relationship with them. To me its just plain unnatural and although it hurts you are well rid of people who think its ok to treat you like that xx. We had Christmas morning at my step-daughters and my daughter brought my ex over there as well. Im sure of it. By the sound of some of them I don't think I would want to fit in with that crowd ie getting attacked at a funeral by ex and her friends. He is one of 5 children and the only boy. I went through this with my exhusband. And she needs to have a hart to hart with herself as to why she hates her ex so much. I feel so bad for you! Demetria L. Lucas is a contributing editor at The Root, a life coach and the author of A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life and the upcoming Dont Waste Your Pretty: The Go-to Guide for Making Smarter Decisions in Life & Love. But theres a way to work around that; that doesnt involve you/her kicking your/her ex out of your/there life entirely. A good mother doesnt always agree with their child but they definitely put them before a man you didnt give birth to or raise. My ex did the same regarding telling lies about me. And like I said, I had to give a simple answer: Yeah, hes still thinking about his ex.. Its time for you to find your family that cares about you and move on from your family of origin. I smoke in the garage . If you ask me all of you are narcissistic selfish individuals who are putting their own needs before that of their children. thats there brother inlaw. The ex is in the same city, and they have known her since she was a teen, and she makes every effort to stop by and keep herself connected to the family on purpose. Gtfo with ur victim shaming. His family judged me, disliked me before they met me. I actually hope you can heal and be happy. It hurt me so bad thst they could do this to me. Married for 14 years and had suicidal depression for a lot of it. why they sometimes send you mixed signals, do not settle for a friends with benefits (FWB) relationship, 9 Tips To Make Up, Reconnect & Heal The Relationship After A Fight With Your Man, 11 Simple Tips on How to Get a Commitment Phobe To Commit, He Ignores You? 10 Simple Tips To Quickly Get His Attention Back, 15 Simple Tips To Overcome Relationship Anxiety Forever, The FWB Myth: Why Friends With Benefits Only Cause Women Pain, Is He Still In Love With His Ex? My Dad, stepmum and siblings supported my abusive ex over me which broke my heart and its taken me 4 years to mainly come to terms with it buy I still have pangs. My wife found out, unexpectedly , that mother-sister-ex-and daughter got together this past winter.. My wife struggled for a week before deciding to tell me. Then her familys homes and gradually his. It is so hurtful. No, not necessarily. It ceases when your boyfriend stops showing up at events when his ex is present. If no help was given to your son or you when you had a stroke then why on earth should you shame yourself into feeling you need to take care of them? "name": "Does it hurt to hear your ex, kids and family do things together? My family chose me. I had a stroke and Im supposed to not have stress and this really gets me so angry. The only mistake she has ever made in her life was marrying her X. I try to be nice and include her in things. Last night we had my sons 21st birthday at a restaurant. Myself; I honestly could not square it with my conscience to stay involved with an exes family if the ex had been isolated by them unless they were the most heinous of people. Im so sorry I know your pain and it runs so deep aleast with me!!! And now I find out that my mother is leaving the house to my ex. Wish me the same, Wow! It is unfair for you to judge the family as insensitive if you havent said word one about it. Im still dealing with the bitterness particularly from my mother that she can not let go of. Some of that healing and growth could begin with showing up at some events with your kids even though hell be there. "You should only be friends with an exs family if youve processed the breakup and have your emotional and social ducks in a row." but will drive 2 hours to spend holidays or special events with MY family. This comment is from a different perspective. What is really even more disturbing is the fact your family is participating doing this with him even though they know they are hurting you. She is 85 and time is precious. He now has a new partner and she has visited my mothers home attended family dinners and spent Xmas with my family while he was interstate visiting our daughter and grand children. I suspect thats part of the reason he wont leave my family alone. Then have the nerve to say it is better this way for them. Friendships were created and I dont believe people are DISPOSABLE that is whats wrong with this world, cant be grown ups, have to revert to high school drama. My sister is married to my husbands brother. Please do what is best for your NEW family. They should not be including him in family gatherings. And if not, a lot of people like bowling (me, in particular), so you'll find plenty of other people to be friends with. Go figure . You would think, by now, he would have moved on and focused on his own family and his gf family. It sucks to share. Perhaps instead of the wronged people being expected to do all the forgiving the enablers should take a long, hard look at their own behaviour and the part they played and ask for forgiveness themselves. },{ I hear you and I agree with those that say the family is out of line. It just seems so disrespectful and unsupportive, and I cant imagine why shed WANT to come to our home except as a way to validate that by having her there, we like her as much as we love him. Her family should take her feelings into account. Meet Cordae, How I Saved Grocery Money By Dating (Yes, Really). I immediately filed for divorce. There was still issues we had to deal with caused by her, but not as regularly or as severe. I never thought id lose my family either. Learn to adapt and genuinely play nice together. Free at last! This sounds like my situation please tell me more I so am looking for answers. I divorced them all. My brother would not uninvite him to his wedding and i didnt go as i was scared of my ex and so hurt by my brother. Have a similar question. I guess I should laughthe two of them can have each other. Im not sorry to say that a boundary line has definitely been crossed!! Get it together, it has nothing to do with hate or maturity. Thank you for your support. So here is my dilemma, if it really is one. ", My family went to her college graduation. Leave the resentment at home and go be herself with them all. One where a parental figure has to be respected no matter their behaviour and adult siblings follow suit either for an easier life or they are so conditioned that they accept the behaviour as normal. If you want to get started learning the best of my advice, I recommend you download the 5 texting mistakes most women make. I have two sister in laws I am very fond of but if my brothers were to suddenly divorce I would feel sad but they would come first. After 5 years of no contact with my family, I reached out the olive branch to my Dad and we have been in contact for 4 months but he still talks about my ex, what he is up to etc. The movie clueless had a great quote about this related to step children, when one of the characters complains to her father about his spending time with an ex-step-brother, the father respond by saying, we divorce children not spouses or at least that my memory of where the quote comes from. 18 people killed - including two children and government officials - after helicopter crashes close to nursery and residential building near Kyiv, Supermarket basics soar by a whopping 30% as shoppers feel the squeeze - see which items rose in price the most, Detectives searching for missing four-year-old make grim discovery of child's body, Man told 'you sound like you're feeling a bit sorry for yourself' by NHS 111 before dying, Gary Lineker breaks silence over "funny" BBC porn prank that stunned viewers, 'IDIOTIC!' My children and I where not invited. It makes me so sad that on top of hurting me so deeply directly, my ex also trashed my family relationship on the way out the door. Sounds like that what hes doing now. I have told him that its painful for me to see her accepted as a member of the family and that he still has a close relationship with her. Although its been hard on my own, I made the right choice to have him out of my life. 2.1K opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic. I am so sorry. It is difficult to comment on your description of the other side. I believe she said she did talk to a professional and thats what the PROFESSIONAL labeled them. Why cant your famiy see that you are distraught about how they handle things. Thats ridiculous. And I grieve the loss of my nieces He is no longer part of the family. You dont even know the other side. But that is what narcissist do. Just because a family member gets divorced doesnt mean the other family member has to divorce the other party. I believe its the unhealthy family members that choose to have him in their life over me. email us your dilemma at hello@thegirlsbathroom.com follow us on instagram @thegirlsbathroomshop the girls bathroom here : http. When I got a divorce my family continued to have a relationship with my ex. Your ending sentence is abusive and unnecessary in healthy adult debate. i told him ill help hom get throu he wanted me 2 b at his sentences hearing 2 b a creatable witness on his b half say something good bout him it help knock down his time basically he wanted me 2 lie 2 the judge . You arent unreasonable. The longer it's been since they split up, the more likely it is that they truly. But such extreme violence and other behavior isnt so easy to forget. And its not giving you time to heal from the pain of divorce. What adult children need to understand through their breakup is to beat the consequences of their decisions to marry and human weaknesses( whatever caused the breakup) No. It took me nearly 3 years to come to terms with it. My mother invites him and his wife over for dinner and they get together for birthdays and Christmas and they all exchange gifts. Hello to the general public i want to testify of a good love spell caster called Prophet peter popularly known as doctor noble he brought back my ex who have left me for 3 months now after we had a little fight she told me she doesnt want to be with me anymore because she found someone else i was so sad because i love her so much, i told my friend about it and he gave me Prophet perter email ID and i contacted him he told me everything will be fine i did everything he asked me to do and he told me after 24 hours my girlfriend will come back to me and the next day to my greatest surprise it was my girlfriend knocking at my door he kneel down begging me to forgive and accept her back now we are happy together all thanks to Prophet Perter contact him for ex back spell , love spell. Also, thanks for helping me see that Im not alone either. I am saddened but grateful to have found this post by chance. My fiance's mom sill talks to his ex girlfriend all the time. How can we move forward? The ex needs to move on with his own family. After a 5 year breach i was the one that reached out an olive branch to my Dad. There is absolutely no explanation for their choices, they can no longer use its for the kids because it most certainely is not. I have a slightly similar situation my ex out of the blue asks for divorce after I had been a good faithful loving supportive wife for 8. Bur I would hope that you can rise above the natural pangs of jealousy and take a higher road to the future. She was NOT pleased with me. Furthermore, if our adult children are involved, I feel like I have to compete for their attention. },{ Am I wrong to want my family to be loyal to me. That post was delusional and makes me sick. If there's one key sign that your man is still in love with his ex, it's when he chooses her over you. They are also divorced and not once have I contacted their ex. People tell themselves anything to rationalize crazy behavior. His family stopped talking to me immediately and my family was still liking his Facebook pictures and talking to him like nothing was happening. My own very sick mother suggested to my ex that he call me to let me know he was there so there was no confusion. I encourage each of you to take some classes do the research its far healthier to respect your ex and their gf/bf/so than to sit and bitch about them. she played the victim. Your family sounds healthy in that they did not pick up your offenses. Whenever the ex is in town visiting, I disappear and never go over. Perhaps they are jealous you have left a toxic relationship? The other thing I didnt see any of you mention, is that the OP is in need of some serious counseling. Well, long story short, my family knew about the abusive. And its the best decision better. The reality is many times we are still aunt or uncle to the children of siblings, independent of the divorce. Because God has changed me and turned everything around. I actually thought it was over that I lost it all until my best friend connected me, My husband left me for his ex wife, This was just 2 years of our marriage. The SIL is a tool and thatll never change. i met my boyfriend 5 years ago with 6 months in the relationship i found a face book account with me block .his friend said i met u b4 when i never met him . People only take what other people allow them to take, in interpersonal situations like this. Ive remarried my best friend and I count my blessing each and everyday. I was tired of being hateful. When you get married you marry the family, so when you get divorced you divorce the family. And that they had something going on longer than I thought. I feel a lot more disloyalty in this visit than in the 20s visit. We have no idea if her ex is a manipulator and IF that is the case then he needs her familys support even more. He man women haters club member. I found this while looking to understand why my family still invites my ex SIL to holiday celebrations when my brother wants nothing to do with her. He then asked to keep most of my possessions and everything we purchased together. Stay around for the sake of your children but beyond that, find new friends and hobbies and move on. PERIOD! Its been three years and now hes marrying the woman he left me for and invited some of my family members. My sister made friends with him on Facebook and lots of other heartbreaking stuff. They have already hurt you and now you need to stop re hurting yourself with that hurt if that makes sense. We have a lot in common. He has to give a clear ultimatum to his mother that it's either his ex or him. I am very happy in my relationship, he is a much nicer person, yet i still feel so crappy about this ex situation and i dont know how to resolve the issue, if I talked to her about it she wouldnt react well, I know that. My battle is to continue to heal, so that these situations of utter madness do not continue to hurt me. There is a difference. Or really like her and want to spend time with her or perhaps they feel they have to keep her sweet? Its not easy. I know that word is bandied about a lot these days , but how dare he continue to stay latched onto YOUR family like that ?? Just wrong!!! The only person I shared his dirty deeds with was my Sistersbut never smeared his charactor throughout the family. Thats how beyond myself I am!!! Ultimately, through their friendship, they realized for themselves what type of person he was and left him alone. My family stuck by me, all ties cut! 1. It looks as though I am already being alienated from my niece and nephew and blamed for causing emotional stress for them and feel manipulated into returning to toe the line. Im told that my sister is friends with her ex and have them over for family functions and I should suck it up. I understand love and loyalty doesnt really exist within family. If it hurts it isnt love. The OP is now left alone and cant raise issues as they will be seen to be the difficult one, thekne causing issues, which further then paints the ex as this amazing person. My 27 yo lives with me because he has autism. I do still feel funny about it all. Aside from her divorce, it is the most painful thing that has ever happened to her. The hardest part to accept is that they only care for themselves.like the wise person above said..accept that these situations will continue, they will not change, but as we wont beat Tiger Woodsthats ok we can find relief in the love we have around us and keep finding ways to just love your kids and give them love. That is a form of abuse.to you, your children and anyone who participates are also abusive. Its not an unreasonable expectation, but having read her post and noting that there are children involved with not only her family, but the family of her siblings, it is unrealistic to expect ties to be cut. I dont even recognize myself at all anymore. Like you say I didnt expect his family to support me but I didnt expect my own family to turn on me and support my ex too! Its like she cant move on. I havent regretted for one minute divorcing an abusive ex! But do they get excited about the same things and share those experiences with one another in a way that leaves you out in the cold? I will be 650 miles away with my new wonderful husband of almost 5 years. The world does not revolve around you, you are not special, and quite honestly I have every reason to believe you are grooming your children, as, narcissistic pieces of crap such as yourself engage in the same stupid cycles of behavior. did it all work out fantastic? So, at least he was no longer too much in my family, I was kinda happy. He knows that you love to hear this, so thats why he says it. When they realised they couldnt get my brother (my Mum and Dads only other son) to agree with how theyd behaved they dropped him and two small grandchildren. "If your partner has regular dates with an ex, and they don't start [out] seeming like dates, but eventually they do, your relationship could be coming into jeopardy," she says. 2017-But my mother and sister again met with my daughter and her mother over the past winter. I suggest talking to a professional about it and trying to work through some of it. Then ask yourself why theyre still in touch, and find out how often and in what way they have contact. I just dont get it.. my divorce was so difficult, why dont they mind their own business and leave my ex out? channel 4 news anchor fired, all madden team elite player, kellee stewart and niecy nash sisters, bullet hole inventory, is verbal abuse a crime in california, what did terry wilson died from march 30th 1999, mitsubishi air source heat pump problems, how to enable cheats on minehut server 2022, meditation on the four directions, what's happening in silsbee, tx today, walney island murders, rsl care enterprise agreement 2015, mark shera children, wsdot snoqualmie pass camera, pinal county parking regulations,
Best Places To Anchor In Long Island Sound, Morristown High School Football Roster, Is Daniel Roebuck Related To Sears And Roebuck, Can You Break Traffic Laws In A Hearse, Toronto Law Firm Summer Student, Protocols For Using Services Of Specialist Advisors, Is Ammonium Lactate Good For Wrinkles,