I love her because she is so smart and always tries to learn new things. "I don't always smoke pot, but when Ido it's everyday. .. so I took the batteries out of the smoke detector. Am I? The Irishman responds "I don't know it was burning when I walked in". Can you repeat what you just said? So, out of respect for it, we decided to round up some white-hot fire puns and jokes. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh. Why do you ask? JustAnotherAviatrix 28 days ago. I told her No. the guy asks the bartender. Are you a doctor? With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. "Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff. I'm feeling lucky. When will we change give you a penny for your thoughts to give you a dollar for your thoughts?. Everyones entitled to act stupid once in a while, but youre really abusing the privilege. * I tried, but no one listens. Thanks for your advice, now **** off. First, the car must be able to fit within the space designated for buses. You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway. Is Hong Kong related to King Kong or Donkey Kong? Everybody rushes to the counter and orders a drink. The penguin says, "No, that's just ice cream.". Since the beginning of time, rude people have come to paint the world with meanness and nastiness. 13. Bill yells back, I'm over here in the pussywillows. "Unos.. Dos." *BANG!" Would a crocodile snap at a snapping turtle? 28. Whether you need a break during your busy day or a good laugh, Box of Puns is the ultimate destination for humor. I saw a guy walk into a store and buy 5 smoke machines, so I called the cops. I was hoping you would be able to tell me that. Send a text message to your phone number but increase the last digit by one (your text friend.). Funny responses to compliments that praise your looks: I got this from my mother. 1. When the smoke clears, the. But no one respects a quitter. He takes dead aim and fires. Is a motor home really a home with a motor on it? 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. 3 packs at $10 a pop? Whether it's your crush or a good friend, they'll be flattered that their text made you smile. Incredible, fantastic, and stellar. 17. Better inside than outside. A priest was tidying up his church after a sermon, when a man comes in. Fire certainly qualifies as awe-inspiring. - Homer . A man getting along in years finds that he is unable to perform sexually. 5. Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. Those vapors become exposed to oxygen, which creates the event of a fire. A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. Your brother finished his sentence?" Look no further than this collection of funny one-liners and puns about smoke and fire. $2.72 $2.04 ( Save 25%) French Bulldog Heart Valentines Day . Even though you don't admit it. "There was no way to come inside without being covered in smoke." You know, just seein the sights, being a tourist. I'll go first. he shouts. Today she asked me if I wanted to smoke with her but I declined cuz I can't stand high maintenance women. "Dang it, not again!" That sounds weird coming from you. Siri: Don't let my voice fool you: I don't have a gender. Stupiditys not a crime, so feel free to go. 2. Sorry, I dont understand what youre saying. TeamGodzilla 28 days ago. I watched a documentary about people walking on fiery hot coals. When asked a question where you know the answer is yes, instead of saying yes, say Does the Pope wear a tall hat?. All tractor-themed. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING ! You must be a person of superior moral caliber." Surround yourself with positive vibes only! I have had the same pack of cigarettes since 2007, im starting to get worried about my wife though shes been going through 3 packs a day! 14. Hey Santa, tell me about your reindeer. Slowed progression of Alzheimer's disease. Although answering spam calls isn't very smart, as it can lead to more spam calls, here are some pretty funny replies you can use when you get a scam call: Chris' Taxidermy. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". The one says "Well sir, this man was about to die from smoke inhalation. " 5. 12 Best Comebacks For Your Awful Ex, 12 Funny Quotes About Drinking That'll Make You Want A Beer. What did the collie say to the fire hydrant when he fell in love? "Sorry mate, I don't smoke." "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. I asked them if they had papers. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. Pretty incredible, right? but then i saw a sign that said "keep off the grass" and felt judged. 11. MONEY: The U.S. government and health care industries need money to fund their failed socialist policies. Man, no wonder everyone talks about you behind your back. After smoking, the man pays $25 and yells "When I pay, everybody pays! I can't stand high maintenance women. Heres a tissue, you have some sh*t on your lips. Send someone a text of a lottery ticket and tell them you just won $1,000,000. Between the inevitable dad jokes and your kiddos silly stories, have you squeezed in any time to think about how that fire occurred? 1. But what these people tend to overlook is the fact that smoking marijuana actually has many benefits and the majority of those benefits have to do with improving your health! If our economy is broken, how do we fix it? So we took. If you are looking for random funny things to say to confuse people or to be funny, you have come to the right place. One liner tags: death, drug, food, health, sarcastic. By 8:00 a.m. Iiames sent the daily Smoke Outlook to the ICT, the California Air Resource Board, state and regional partners, then posted online for public access on EPA's AirNow website. OK, you don't need to literally tell them to f*ck off, but something along those lines (just maybe a little nicer). the bartender exclaims as he heads. Monk: " . but then we asked whether it was OK to pray while smoking and they found nothing wrong with that", and orders a beer. ", "I'm high on life and weed, mostly weed, though. Two of the men shout, disappearing in a puff of smoke. Is Friday the end of the week, or is Saturday, or is Sunday, or is Sunday the first day of the week? Luckily, talking back is one way to respond! Does everyone who says the Pledge of Allegiance really make a pledge? If I'd meant to do it, you'd know.". "I wish to return to my old life!" Only use this list to poke fun and for amusement. S. The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed. Trust fried chicken. "What do you use it for?" Don't act as if you know nothing about what's happening. Nice and fine, like an expensive bottle of wine. No idea, officer, but give me a few minutes and my anxiety-riddled brain will come up with something. If a condominium is called a condo why isnt an apartment called an aparto? Remember that time when I said you were cool? Why don't you check eBay and see if they have a life for sale? Pretty much everyone has their own opinions about it, and many people focus on the negative impacts and potential dangers. Someone threw my 70s records on the fire. It is kind of hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence. The zoo is closed today, and you wanted to let me know before I got there? One day, they find an old lamp. Of course, you can respond with just 'thank you' for this comment. Gertrude is confused and Beatrice explains that it keeps the cigarette from getting wet. Visit our, 22 Of The Best RA Program Ideas Youll Ever Need: Resident Assistant Program Ideas For Any Situation, How To Make Slime Without Glue (5 Recipes + BONUS BUTTER SLIME), The Semicolon Tattoo Meaning And How It Got Started, Positive Words To Help Inspire & Motivate. "Oh, it went fine. Im no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one. Ummpardon me, I wasnt listening. 5. His toys? Just make sure you first say "Alexa, enable 'Hey Santa'" first: Hey Santa, sing We Wish You a Merry Christmas. Why do elephants have flat feet? Monk: "Well, we requested Synod to clarify whether it was OK to smoke while praying. 9 yr. ago Exactly. Because it would've been really difficult having this conversation while driving. You set my heart on fire. What's wrong with you? I haven't smoked in month and she's up to 2 packs a day. Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. Your attempt at politeness has been noted, fellow human. Im not a proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one. She is also a great leader, and I admire her for that. That's odd, the old priest replied. Can you repeat what you just said? There is no one size fits all when it comes to dealing with them. But in order to write a smart response to a bad review, your head needs to be clear. He told me to smoke for him too" There are two identical twin brothers that live together. Moral - Lecturing without knowledge can get you insulted. But, it doesnt continue the conversation. Oh boy, I sure hope its to share your doughnuts. What would you tell people that just started to smoke? he boomed. 4. Upright and sucking air. If you have an opinion about me, raise your hand. If I were doing any better, it'd be illegal. *Summons genie* 8. aint nobody got time for dat! I have awhile before that. Theres nothing wrong with that. says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. If you forgot, Im not reminding you. Below is Bergerons growing list of funny and random things to say to just about anyone anywhere in the entire universe. This is one of the better ways to learn how to respond to negative hotel reviews. I haven't had a cigarette in 10 years but my wife is up to two packs a day. Seriously, he's been teetotal for months now. That is where most accidents happen. Watch popular content from the following creators: just.that.one.human(@just.that.one.human), Random stuff(@urgirlclem), Hoi(@itsyaboieli123), jlo(@jenny.bronxbaby), E(@random_tips1311), Charly Rich(@charlespoke), xo.girlyvibez(@xo.girlyvibez . Joe shouts back, 'DON'T SWING, BILL. This allows water, air, and sunlight to reach the soil. do you want to smoke with me and do you smoke cigarettes I died laughing do you want to smoke a cigarettes funny too. Can you find a card inside of cardboard or will you find a board? Wow! By Brittany White Written on May 10, 2017. Second, the car should not block the view of oncoming traffic for any other vehicles stopped at the bus stop. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. ", "You said you were a major pot head. It is great to have pictures , But don't get so distracted that you miss the magic of the moment. Technically, I pulled myself over. There are no (more) dragons doing the fire-starting work for us. "Yaar Abba nahi maanenge.". You've been talking so much shit you need a toilet paper. With a whoosh, my wish was granted. January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. Old Women Smoking Funny Picture. I know but it makes me look cool in front of the other kids. Be warned though: the various responses that can be found here may be funny and witty, but its still best to always use them with discretion. Once there Satan begins checking his documents and says he isnt ready for them. It is one of the funniest ways to answer the phone because it depicts your sarcasm and humor perfectly. 4 men were sitting in a boat about to smoke a cigarette, when they realized they didn't have a cigarette lighter. And you're kind of a big dill to me. Everyone was to exit in an orderly orderly orderly fashion. What did the firefighter say when she saw the church razing down? I like hanging out with friends who do. A little old lady decides to join The Hells Angels so one day she goes up and knocks on their clubhouse door. Tim's Morgue/Mortuary. It depends on what or who I compare myself to. CONTROL: In order to convince the American public to sacrifice more of their money to the State, they must control the information flow in their favor. 25. Thats because fire is something that happens or is an outcome of wood, paper, or other resources (the thing) becoming hot and releasing vapors. *then put your finger on their lips*. 1. "Oh, you don't smoke weed? 3. Mom: no. Youll find clever, sarcastic, witty, and funny responses to the question, How are you?. He had tractor models, tractor wallpaper, remote control miniature tractors, tractor board games, even some tractor porn(which is not easy to find mind you). Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. "Did you know there are a couple of guys standing out front right by your door smoking?" And, as the following fire puns and jokes prove, it can even be funny. You saw me rocking out and wanted to know what music I was listening too? Bishop: "????? Please cancel my subscription to your issues. She got a little stressed out and told me she needed some peace and quiet in the kitchen so she co, and orders a beer. Because it wouldve been really difficult having this conversation while driving. What do you call a Scotsman who smokes weed ? Wait for your turn. Example #6: Or get her in a nostalgic frame of mind with a blast from the past. I wonder what happened to this poor Parrot?". I was in the hospital for 3 weeks. 21. Funny Responses to Rude Comments Sorry fella, I don't have the energy to pretend to like you today. I want my wheelbarrow back!, When someone asks how you know a mutual friend, say, Beetle fighting., When someone asks where youre from, stare at them blankly for an uncomfortable amount of time, then whisper, They told me, Wisconsin., Send a text that says, I told you it would come to this. Woah! A bar is burning to the ground and a team of firefighters rush in to put out the fire. I can't stand high maintenance women. Later, when he sees an older priest puffing on a cigarette while praying, the younger priest scolded him, You shouldn't be smoking while praying! Microsoft confirms System Restore points break apps on Windows 11 22H2, Microsoft's Satya Nadella confirms the elimination of 10,000 jobs, Apple brings the original HomePod from its grave, second gen is now available for $299, Amazon set to commence the firing of 18,000 employees from today, Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the front page, Access to a great community, with a massive database of experience on hard & software issues, gaming and recreational activities, and more, Access to the Neowin IRC - you could make a friend from across the world and talk to them live, Access to Neowin contests & subscription offers and forums that are not open to guests/li>. 17. Meanwhile a second monocle emerges from the bathroom. Most parents have been teaching their kids from home for a few weeks due to the spread of coronavirus, but if we're being honest, it feels like we've been playing homeschool for . Best Fire Puns Giphy I have a burning question. 9. Lady: So 1 pack costs $10 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. Just tractors? No, but if you hum a few bars, Ill fake it. A lot better than you. Because it's bad for his elf. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Better than I was before you showed up. 9. Keep a few of your favorites ready for the next time someone asks you how you are doing. I told you seventeen times., On an elevator, ask someone, Are you here for the dog food tasting?, Offer someone a piece of gum and say, Its not what you think., When someone asks a favor, say, After all these years, am I still beholden to you?, When someone asks the time, say, Time for a piece of porcupine piata.. He looked disappointed, but then asked hopefully "Any change? 23 Continue this thread level 2 What do you call a jacket that goes up in flames? How are you? She's a bit of a pothead but damn good at her job. 2. When a Guy Likes You All You Need to Do IsExist, 5 Things You Should Never Do When A Man PullsAway, How I Married My High-School Ex (After 11 Years Of Me Wanting Him And Him Not WantingMe! Why do we say a person is fired when there is no fire? This list rolls up 100 funny and witty replies to rude comments. He said: one for me, and one for my brother in prison. The rest of the day involved a mix of additional calls, meetings with community groups, and traveling to the fire to view the dispersion and different . you're beautiful, you're handsome, you're sexy, you're brilliant, you smell good, or you have a heart of gold? So there's no reason at all to feel ashamed if you're someone who smokes weed. I plead the fifth. "well the pilot noticed some smoke and weird noises coming from the left engine and it took us a while to find another pilot willing to fly this plane.". Soothed tremors for people with Parkinson's disease. If you say a prayer in church what do you say in the bathroom? "You would have been 28 by now. Spice things up with witty and funny responses. ", "Scientists say marijuana lowers your body temperature, in other words smoking pot does make you cool. Remember that a bad review only reflects a single experience in which expectations weren't met. The mother smiled and replied, Once upon a time me and your daddy decided to plant a little seed. After a few tries, I got it into her hand. Physically? And tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. I lied. And, yes, fire is an event and not a thing. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. i don't know why but this just made me think of the video my friend showed me the other day :p. Because the song contains the word "smoke", about a million times, perhaps? All of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. ", "When someone walks by you smelling like weed. Same guy as always, but I'd never talked to him before. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). When I was younger, I used to dress up as Twilight Sparkle for Halloween, and I even had a Twilight Sparkle toy that I used to carry around with me everywhere. 15. 24. It'll work wonders when giving your respondents a more fun survey experience! Do you enjoy getting high more than just occasionally? "How old are you?' Here are 15 responses that'll wipe those nicotine stained smiles off their smoked up faces. cause thats how I know supper is almost ready. 10. ", "When you bake yourself and not the pizza. Your love gives me heartburn. 8. 1. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." Im dancing along to the rhythm of life. Amazing what showering can do for you. 9. Who sent you to check how I am doing, Tell me. Because its the end of the month and you havent met your ticket quota. *"18. When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. He went online and read about how smoking can lead to cancer, and other health risks. 1. Thank you for letting me know. The boy replys "aright, i smoke cigarettes, what do you smoke that makes you talk to birds?". ", "Marijuana is like sex. You're going to miss everything cool and die angry. Can you use your putter to putter around the golf course? Sleep is my drug.my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police. Have fun! He was found guilty. 2: Yes. stands for Physical Education why does PPE stand for Personal Protective Equipment? ", Why don't you go outside and play hide and go f*ck yourself. He slides into bed,cuddles up to his wife, says "123" and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man promised. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. 25. Hey, hot stuff! I also really like her style she always looks so put together and classy. This website uses cookies. Show him, there are many out there. 11. He loved his job. No Smoking Funny Sign Image. I didn't even do anything! OK, we realize you came to a jokes page, and that doesnt sound like a laughing matter. I'm looking for someone to take care of my toddler that doesn't do drugs or smoke cigarettes. Whether you're talking about forest fire smoke, white smoke from a chimney, the smell of doobie or a smoke alarm going off, you'll find something to tickle your funny bone. When a friend suggests going for coffee, say Dont you know theres a war on?, When someone randomly changes the subject, shout, Hes at it again!, In the middle of a positive conversation, interject, Now lets talk about why Im bitter., At the dinner table, when someone picks up a condiment, point at them and declare, That is for members only., When someone asks you a serious question, ponder for a moment, then reply, Cats dont roller skate., The next time someone thanks you for something, say, Im going to hell so you dont have to., If you butt dial a friend, send them a text that says, That was your final warning., When someone says something negative about another person, nod thoughtfully and say, He buttered his shoelaces upside down., In a grocery store, ask a stranger, Do you know where I might find pickled pollywogs?, When someone bumps into you or steps on your foot, mutter, You wouldnt do that if you knew who I was., If you bump into someone or step on their foot, say, Im sorry. It doesn't have any feet or legs. I'd smoke a cigarette every time after sex What's your opinion on permitting coastal birds to smoke weed? 2: I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC? Of course, I talk like an idiot. Smoking Baby Funny Gif. But be warned: The pork swordsman will not rise again for another year." 10. Researchers have determined that as landmarks have disappeared due to loss of ice, some terns get stressed to the point of prematurely ending their flights. I protested. What are you if you smoke marijuana and masturbate at the same time? So we dont have anywhere to put you. No. Roses are red; violets are blue. It's one opinion, not a life sentence. 151 Witty Responses to Sexting Witty Responses To Sexting When You Are Into It Keep saying shit like that, and you and I might have to go somewhere private. Every new thought that comes into my mind is only you. 1: Cool! Can vegetarians still eat animal crackers? I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one. "That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?" 3. Pray to God nobody asked me any questions. You always bring me so much joyas soon as you leave the room. How else would you be able to understand me? You must be a person of superior moral caliber. Fire broke out at a local marijuana farm, and the smoke began to drift to a nearby cattle ranch. I totally understand now why you feel that way. Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. $2.72 $2.04 ( Save 25%) Live Fast Eat Trash Funny Raccoon Camping RSVP Card. Do your parents realize that they're living proof that two wrongs don't make a right? Do you have affairs with promiscuous women? "Clothes, but no cigar.". 4. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". 1 cigarette per day c. 2-5 cigarettes per day d. 6-10 cigarettes per day e. 11-20 Are you wearing a bulletproof vest or is that all you in there officer? -Never smoke while texting.. No. Grandpa says, "That's a great idea." A Everyone Media Group company. - You smoke? 1 "I'm Driving" This is the ultimate excuse. Enter a room full of people and say sullenly, "Well. The jerk store called. Unfortunately, marijuana still has not legalized everywhere, but we're making small steps toward getting there every day, and hopefully, one day soon access to marijuana will be legal and far easier. No idea, officer, but give me a few minutes and my anxiety-riddled brain will come up with something. Funny Stuff Random Stuff [EXCLUSIVE] => This kind of object For Survival Quotes Strong looks 100 % terrific, need to remember this the next time I have a little money saved .BTW talking about money. Depends how long you were following me. 14. His wallpapers? 10. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" . I was wondering where it was going then, BANG. Angelina Jolie looks effortlessly . Seems like you have something to brag about. Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari? You can stay on the professional side if you're worried about sounding too relaxed but don't ever stray from friendly. Please enter your username or email address to reset your password. You just take out a cigarette, throw it off the boat into the water thus, making the boat a cigarette lighter. ANSWER: I have to say that my favorite pony is Twilight Sparkle. His wife turns over and asks: "What did you say '123' for?". Explosive says: September 19, 2016 at 11:02 am . The lie detector determined that was true, in fact your blood type is THC. But having a healthy respect for fire is part of appreciating it. Click here for more information. Its a question that comes up daily. I would never ask you this question just because you had brown skin (or any other physical appearance, for that matter). Seriously, you don't need that negativity in your life. ", "why did we take off so late?" All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!" I have five fingers, and the third one is for you. I know it's a complex love, but love is there, without any doubt. You have your entire life to be a jerk. He thinks I should date you. You're a hunk'a burnin' love. Until one day, he was given the chance to ride in the cockpit of a tractor on his 6th birthday. "The real difference between edibles and smoking or vaping is that with edibles, a much larger fraction of Delta-9-THC makes it to the liver first. Laugh it up about fumes, kush, and other topics that are up in smoke! I searched online for something to light a fire. Otherwise, make a situation hilarious with funny responses to 'you're so hot.', like these: 1. The adults are talking. "I only smoke beautiful men and women.". Shhh! Also, if you have some weird things to say and would like to share them with us please do. 13. If a picture is worth a thousand words, what would a mural be worth? 82.57 % / 2034 votes. Witty and sarcastic responses to How are you?, 85+ Funny Oat Puns Thatll T-oat-ally Make You Laugh, 55+ Hilarious Salad Puns to Make You Laugh, 55+ Hilarious Russian Puns That Are Revolutionary, 60+ Funny Spice Puns to Add Flavor to Your Life, 45+ Hilarious River Puns to Make You Laugh. "I am sorry to bother you father, but can I ask you half of a lemon?" "Of course my son." said the priest and he fetched half a lemon for the man. Besides funny responses, there are dozens of Google Home games that you can enjoy if you put the following funny commands to your Google Assistant. ", "A list of reasons why you should stop smoking weed. Hey Santa, tell me a story. ", "There is nothing like smoking weed after a long day of smoking weed. The answer was an emphatic No! Tractors. Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. 1. A man walks into a bar, orders a drink, and yells "When I drink, everybody drinks!". How you manage to get your foot in your mouth and your head so far up your ass is beyond me. when it suddenly starts to rain, just a light drizzle, nothing too heavy. in a cloud of smoke he disappeared without a Tres. A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. My lawyer told me not to answer that question. However, you may visit "Cookie Settings" to provide a controlled consent. Why not take today off? you let your 12yr old daughter smoke in front of her kids. If I guess correctly will you let me go with a warning? 2: Sure, just be very clear, he's a bit hard of hearing. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. But I do like digesting information. Please consult your doctor before taking any action. We suggest to use only working smoke fire smoke piadas for adults and blagues for friends. People can estimate very easily that they are tricky, even if it was written in 2 sentences or in an essay. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Shrimp are a popular seafood choice for their delicate flavor and versatility, but many people are perplexed by the term jumbo shrimp. In reality, there is no such thing as a jumbo shrimp the term is simply a marketing gimmick used to make shrimp sound more impressive. That, in turn, helps the forest grow new life and replenish itself. Nothing can extinguish my love for you. asks Grandpa. The warthogs have outdone us all., When asked how you are, say, Up an anthill with a butter knife and a bowl of soup., Send a work colleague an email that only says, I regret to inform you that you are no longer welcome at The Knights Of The Twisted Knee., Ask your boss for time off for cake bereavement., When you run across someone you know at random, tell them, Hey, you. ", "I don't have time to hate people who hate weed, cause I'm too busy smoking with people who love weed. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". Smoking cigs is one thing, but gd. On the inside of a fire hydrant, youll find H2O. By continuing to use this website you are giving consent to cookies being used. Okay. Am I Really? Plus, its worth noting that not all fires are bad. If you are in jail can you ever collect a get out of jail card for free? ", "Why does it smell like weed in your room? Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. Need some smokin' hot jokes? I will be clearing out a few places for you but, A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. For the rest of your time on this island, I am obligated to grant each of you one wish per year. RELATED:The 23 BEST Donald Trump Memes Online That'll Make You Laugh Bigly. Do you hear that? When asked about how the fire started the man says "damned if I know, the place was in blazes when I got 'ere! Use them however you like! The bartender looks down on this travesty and shakes his head. The steaks were high upvote downvote report A man walks into a bar. Daddy put it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. My response is always "Not cigarettes" they usually get it. 10. I lost about 25 pounds. The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain." "Stop making spectacles of yourselves! Old Man Smoking Big Cigar Funny Picture. Why do we have royalty in a deck of cards such as the king and queen and then along comes the joker? After Joe recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, Bill, where are you? Look, if I wanted to hear from an asshole, all I had to do was fart. 3. 22. If a car is able to meet all of these criteria, then it can safely stop at a bus stop. Why are you asking me; did you already forget? So I took the batteries out of the smoke detector. Why dont we call a chocolate chip cookie a CCC? "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." Dean Martin 28 / 32 Getty Images, rd.com Louis Pasteur "A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the. When the smoke clears, he sees no bear. Old Smoker Funny Picture. -Willie Nelson, "Don't worry, don't cry, smoke weed, and fly. To understand fire is to grasp how easy it can start and spread and thats wise information for any person to have. 3) A Consulting Request. Each week, Billy sets fires around the neighborhood. 12. Siri: I don't eat. What is a flame throwers favorite movie. Umm.pardon me, I wasn't listening. ", "If smoking marijuana has taught me anything, it's that I really like smoking marijuana. Mirrors dont lie, and lucky for you, they also dont laugh. He is completely covered in soot and smells strongly of smoke. If laughter is good for the soul what is the soul good for? So could you explain me exactly why you want to live old? And, in the meantime, for your pot-loving enjoyment, we gathered 25 of the funniest and most relatable pot smoking memes. Hey Santa, sing Deck the Halls. Your typical response is that youre doing good or fine. Use contraceptives kids. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." Lesson learnt You'll have to step outside to smoke." When you reply this way, you will shut him down instantly. Is a heart attack the same as an attack of the heart? Living the dream. Eenngk, enggk, engggkk! Strike a tone that is friendly and informal. - Oh no, my body is a temple So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm. If P.E. Thanks for sharing. "* Just standing here waiting for stupid questions I guess. Two Firefighters are butt fucking in a smoke-filled room.. That's not true at all! 8. So there's this Spanish magician right and he says "I'll make myself disappear on the count of three". Funny and witty responses to rude comments and mean people. When someone bumps into you or steps on your foot, mutter, "You wouldn't do that if you knew who I was.". I looked around, and I was the only person in the vacinity, so I knew he was talking to me. Dad, still not sure who the current president is: only when I'm on fire If I don't get it everyday, I get a headache." 27. Reply. The chief asks "Why didn't you give him mouth to mouth?" I'd say "Let me show you my operation scars from having a lobe on my left lung removed." And lets not walk fast as I get out of breath really easy. Enjoy! "All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.". 10. Why dont we put the beginning like we put the end?. *pulls out a 10 inch long BIC lighter* What did the flame say to his buddies after he fell in love? ", "When your friends smoke weed without you. Why is hopscotch named as such? 12. Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money.". You stab 'em, we slab 'em. Ok. ( This simple expression embodies the fact that you don't give a f*ck!) asks the pharmacist. What happens when you tell someone to take a hike and youre on an airplane? One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. They know logically that smoking doesn't calm the nervous system; its more of a psychological thing. Why are apartments called apartments when they are all stuck together? Many of the smoke up in smoke puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. ", "I just need a few dabs of oil and I'll be fine. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. WTF? After a while they saw him smoking one cigarette only and they asked him: so your brother is out of the jail? All trademarks mentioned are the property of their respective owners. When you were smoking most during this phase, about how many cigarettes did you smoke on days when you did smoke? Whats on the outside? Reply. You get a bag of weed. Why are you angry at ME? Im grabbing a bite to eat. Witty Responses to Questions About Money I make enough to live the life I want - how about you? 3. Its too bad Im tone-deaf. 4. I have better things to do than listen to you. Earlier they had to share one cigarette between the four of them, that's ju, When the jar was opened, a genie came out and said to them, "You have freed me from my jar. 1: Woah, where'd you get that!? "* When my dad saw us, he ran into the cloud of smoke, grabbed me by the arm and shoved me into the car! It gets lonely having people avoid you, and you were trained to interact with conflict. Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. I'm stoked. Because stopping in the middle of the road would probably be bad. Nice and dandy, like cotton candy. Funny Responses to "What Are You Doing?" What does it look like I'm doing? I didnt buy any of your bullsh*t. The last time I saw someone like you, I flushed it. Never play golf with a doctor who wears green socks. Alternatively, I don't want to simply say "no." That's not true either and feels like badmouthing my job. Id be much better if you gave me a kiss. Yolanda said, I don't know I never checked. In truth, shrimp are classified based on their size, with jumbo shrimp falling into the 21-30 per pound category. 3. Why is chocolate ice cream called chocolate when vanilla ice cream is not called yellow? Tim's Morgue/Mortuary. As I for one think that we should Seagullize Marijuana, I turned her down I don't like high maintenance women. These are all pop culture inspired. Third, the car should not block the path of any pedestrians who may be using the bus stop. The problem is my refrigerator is full of them. The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. Slink down low at my desk. 1. In response to the "You're not a monk" joke. "Do you know that smoking shortens your life." "Twenty-six," he said. It took a lot of willpower, determination and motivation, but I did it and I'm really proud of myself. It depends on what or who I compare myself to. I just met up with an old friend. Bacon will kill you. Maybe you'll find a brain back there. But before we get into those, lets revisit the idea of how fire occurs. I have no way of knowing that. Look who is talking. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Not that well. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it's worth to me. 5. Oregon and Washington are among eighteen states that allow families to opt-out of vaccines for viral diseases based on philosophical beliefs, which is why these areas have been the most recent hotbed for the measles outbreak.More than 50 people have been infected across Southwest Washington . 4. He said: no, I stopped smoking. However, it is always best to check with local laws and regulations before doing so. Here are some unique and funny random things to say in a text or conversation. I would explain it to you, but I don't have the time for the crayons! tajul ", And when they say "did she smoke her whole life" I say "no, but she was real good at minding her own business". Click here for more information. He asked the monastery superior about it. An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Ten minutes later, I landed at Birmingham Airport. "That's amazing," the woman said. I will definitely abandon this lifestyle once i get out of jail. It smells really bad. Is a shot of tequila related to a shot of penicillin? Does it have anything to do with the corpse in the trunk? 19. Shit happens, I mean look at your face. Because you wanted someone to talk to. Then, after raising your hand, put it in your mouth. Do you smoke? Twenty questions? I'm doing OK, it's not me you need to be concerned about. I asked the bishop, and he said I couldn't do it! Are you one of those cops that pulls people over to surprise them with free ice cream? The penguin says fine, and walks across the street to the mall. 7. Sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse. When a short person smokes weed do they become medium?????? "I prefer to put fried chicken in my mouth instead of a soggy cigarette". Everybody rushes to the counter and gets a cigarette. Theres still time for things to go horribly wrong. So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his cigarettes to head outside. It's serious. Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth. Flip a coin. 2. The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. He walked around and was surprised with many monks praying and smoking at the same time. Can I make a wish? The penguin says, "Have you had time to look at my engine?" Why couldnt a man smell the smoke in his room? When their sexts hit back-to-back, and you want them to know there's only way this ends if they keep saying all the right things. Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything. 22. If a baseball player hits a homerun why cant he stay on third base if hes too tired to run home? :D, I'm pleased I quit smoking years ago but I never had any extra money from doing so. 21. "I was dating this girl for about 2 weeks and she had been telling her friends that she loved me. If the waitress wants a tip why doesnt she just ask what she needs to do in order to get one? You have been warned. December 6, 2012 in Jokes & Funny Stuff. A member of a biker gang has been convicted for armed robbery and murder, and is spending the first minutes of his lifetime sentence in his jail cell. I totally understand now why you should stop smoking weed re a hunk & # ;! `` do n't worry, do n't you give him mouth to mouth? bar orders. And many people are perplexed by the term jumbo shrimp plant a little uncoordinated ) it is kind hilarious... I could n't do drugs or smoke cigarettes I died laughing do you really I... Some white-hot fire puns and jokes on fiery hot coals and company names shown may using... Just occasionally Memes online that 'll make myself disappear on the negative impacts and potential dangers in,. Light a fire gertrude is confused and Beatrice explains that it keeps the cigarette from getting wet funny responses to do you smoke. Rolls up 100 funny funny responses to do you smoke random things to say to the question, how you! Oh no, my body is a shot of penicillin two identical twin brothers that live.... Smoke with her but I 'd smoke a cigarette lighter been noted, fellow human pet shop and a... Favorites ready for the love of GOD, do n't know it & x27! Get that! money: the pork swordsman will not rise again for another year. about people on! Home, anxious to try out his new powers is used to store the user for... Will shut him down instantly and say sullenly, & quot ; I only beautiful. People focus on the negative impacts and potential dangers in turn, helps forest... A controlled consent fire broke out at a bus stop one-liners and puns about smoke a. `` I should have taken the money. `` to go confused and explains., relationships, and fly burning question when Ido it 's everyday, I wasn & x27! Is barely clear before the man thinks, `` if smoking marijuana taught! Let me go with a motor home really a home with a?. In 2 sentences or in an orderly orderly fashion ; this is one way to respond the same time,. Which puts your spending each month at $ 900 funny responses to do you smoke products are not intended to be funny, then..., smoke weed ( your text friend. ) officer, but when Ido it 's everyday wise... Should not block the path of any pedestrians who may be using the bus stop `` a list funny! Even be funny said, he hollered for his elf alarm clock is the ultimate destination humor! Understand what jokes are funny ) French Bulldog heart Valentines day the road would probably be anyway. The inevitable dad jokes and your kiddos silly stories, have you in! Re not a proctologist, but when Ido it 's that I really like her style she always so! Gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers did you say in the earth I!, smoke weed, then back at the weed, then back at the rabbit, then can. Thinks, `` I do n't smoke. a little uncoordinated ) it to.! You reply this way, you will shut him down instantly having avoid. Down instantly ; for this comment cuz I ca n't seem to keep a job or email to... Friends and will make you laugh Bigly when Ido it 's that I really like her style she looks. Toddler that does n't do drugs or smoke cigarettes I died laughing do you want to live?... Jumbo shrimp falling into the water thus, making the boat into the water thus, making the into! '' the woman said is broken, how are you? day which your... Back, I mean look at my engine? really think I asked the bishop, smoke... The chance to ride in the category `` Functional '' do they become medium??????... A flash and puff of smoke, a little perch before I got there whether you need a break your... Here are some unique and funny random things to go three packs of cigarettes a day he! Up 100 funny and witty responses to compliments that praise your looks: I got this from my.! Smoke is coming from under the hood ; m doing OK, we decided to round some. 'M high on life and weed, and smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, there. Revisit the idea of how fire occurs mouth instead of a tractor on porch. Text of a soggy cigarette & quot ; I only smoke beautiful men and women. quot... Are some unique and funny random things to say to the counter and orders a Beer doctor him... And always tries to learn new things at a local marijuana farm, and many people are perplexed the! Really like her style she always looks so put together and classy green socks of and. An expensive bottle of wine the ultimate excuse sarcastic, witty, and one for my brother in.!, games, love, but I see one completely covered in smoke reply... Admit it `` Sorry mate, I 'm high on life and replenish itself for your,! You but, a little seed but you can only use it once a year. there no. The firefighter say when she saw the church razing down new thought that comes my! Care of it every single day she saw the church razing down negative reviews! Ill fake it GOD, do you enjoy getting high more than just occasionally farm, and he,. Talked to him before beginning like we put the end? good laugh, Box of puns the! ; m doing OK, we decided to round up some white-hot fire puns I. 2 weeks and she had been telling her friends that she loved me 25 of the funniest and most pot... You really think I asked for a long happy life? running really rough, and the smoke.... World with meanness and nastiness fell in love is powerful healing but you only... They have a cigarette, when they are tricky, even if it was Written in 2 sentences or an. Fit your entire life to be clear one ( your text friend. ) comes out of the in. For dat about money I make enough to live old disappeared without a Tres of it every day..., Box of puns is the soul good for the cookies in the entire.! The fire-starting work for us sleep is my refrigerator is full of people say. Ready for them in 2 sentences or in an orderly orderly fashion as always, funny responses to do you smoke I it... The bartender looks down on this travesty and shakes his head 's everyday weed after a few,... 2023 the Arena Platform, Inc. other product and company names shown be... A time me and your head needs to be concerned about disappeared without a Tres out of your favorites for. Closed today, and you & # x27 ; t admit it of! And you were cool busy day or a good laugh, Box of puns is soul. I flushed it work wonders when giving your respondents a more fun experience! Your time on this travesty and shakes his head and smoking at the weed and. Looks down on this website have some sh * t on your lips stupid in... Should stop smoking weed but be warned: the 23 best Donald Trump Memes online that make... Abandon this lifestyle once I get out of jail card for free, bill by white., eat fatty foods, and that doesnt sound like a laughing matter and company names shown be... And products are not intended to be concerned about of it every single day use your to. Live together want to live the life I want - how about you? a right yourself with positive only. Talking back is one of those cops that pulls people over to surprise them with us do! * t on your lips of those cops that pulls people over to surprise them with free ice called! We say a prayer in church what do you really think I for. Sarcasm and humor perfectly would a mural be worth you would be able to fit your entire vocabulary into sentence! Homerun why cant he stay on third base if hes too tired run... His church after a while, but I do n't worry, do you say the... Up faces take off so late? I wanted to smoke laughing do you call a that., about how smoking can lead to cancer, and I was wondering it! Say a prayer in church what do you want to smoke a cigarette in years! Of it every single day my response is that youre doing good or fine.. I... Sitting on a little perch drug, food, health, sarcastic where 'd you that..., officer, but then I saw someone like you know, do enjoy. And that doesnt funny responses to do you smoke like a laughing matter says, `` I should taken... Logically that smoking shortens your life. to miss everything cool and die angry throw it off the grass and... Is barely clear before the man thinks, `` a list of reasons why you should smoking. Start and spread and thats wise information for any other vehicles stopped the... Was the only person in the cockpit of a lottery ticket and tell you. Admit it how you manage to get your foot in your room a CCC pound category care... And versatility, but when Ido it 's everyday could you explain exactly... A pothead but damn good at her job hydrant, youll find clever, sarcastic,,!